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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Breakin' the law

So I got a "new" bike. It's a frankensteined little beast, made of discarded parts from various models, and it has to have one of the worst paint jobs I've ever seen. So come on ladrones! I dare you steal it!

Today I felt like living on the edge. That's why this morning, before I went to work, I decided to break as many civic ordnance laws as I could. The result is probably a first in the history of this illustrious and increasingly anal city. Hell, if I wanted ordnung I would have gone to Bavaria!

So. Ladies and gents, the backlash has begun.

I hopped on my squeaky beater bike and rode down sidewalks wherever I could, making sure they were all less than 3 meters wide. I went a reckless 12 km an hour, of course (which is 2km an hour over the speed limit when on a congested sidewalk. Luckily I have an innate sense of speed, because my bike doesn't have an speedometer).

While riding as close as I could to the storefronts, I headed towards the nearest high school, zigzagging perilously through the mileurista masses. Then, still on my bike, I lit up a cigarette, began urinating, and began prostituting myself in a scandalous way while speaking in Spanish. Afterwards, I shamelessly locked my bike to a tree and went to a market and bought some piss-water wine and some Coca Cola. I dumped out half of the Coca Cola and poured in the wine and did a one-man botellon with my kalimocho* in front of the store. It was a liberating experience. At least until I realized my cataplines were swinging in the November wind (cold equals shrinkage). And in my wine-stained hands I had a five euro bill and I couldn't figure out how I got it. So much for being a rebel.

Speaking of law breaking, my friends and partners in crime The Gangsters of Love are playing tonight at Gracia's emblematic Heliogabal bar (c/ Ramon i Cajal 80) at 10:00 pm. Come hang out with anarchists and guiris and other low-life degenerates while we celebrate this day of thanks.

Full disclosure: Dan, the singer of the Gangsters, gave me the bike. This, however, in no way means I'm plugging his band because of his gift. They play rock & roll. No DJs or fancy shit like that. Good to bawl and brawl to. That's it.

Salut!

_

* kalimocho – is a mixture of cheap red wine and Coca Cola, popular with kids and reckless bike riding rebels like me. The coke masks the terrible taste of the wine and gives you an extra boost.