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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Rebellion in the Zoo 2

The Fauna Ibérica are at it again. Seeing their territory invaded by an alien species, they go out -usually after nightfall - armed with cell phone cameras. The following videos are a unique experience in which you can witness life through the eyes of authentic Fauna Ibérica, uncensored and raw.

This is what I found on youtube (click on the titles for a link to the video):

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Guiris popo

Perhaps one of the great documents of our time. We have here an extended encounter between several specimens of Fauna Ibérica and the genus Guiri Popo. The Guiri Popo are in a state of inebriation and the Fauna Ibérica, realizing the Guiri Popo can’t understand their method of communication, proceed to taunt them. The Guiri Popo then try to ingratiate the Fauna Ibérica by finding common ground. As is usual amongst males of both species, they talk about football. One of the Guiri Popo talks about Barça. The only problem is this is the south of Spain and he fails to bond (Barcelona, for those who may not know, is in the north. The arbitrary geographical delimitation apparently affects many people here ). Guiri Popo, if he is not too inebriated, may learn a valuable cultural lesson.

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Los guiris salen del corral

6 in the morning, possibly the Balearic Islands. Los guiris salen del corral, or the “guiris leave the pen”. Intrepid specimens of Fauna Ibérica risk their suntans by waiting, cell phone cam in hand, by the gates of a typical guiri establishment. Watch as a spectrum of guiris stream out of the hotel, both female and male, young and old. An impressive, never-before-seen documentation of the 6 am beach departure ritual.

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Crazy Guiri

A typical example of the genus Guiri Discombobulus. The Ramblas plays host to many of them. There are watering holes nearby, where this specimen most likely drank fermented wheat water, thereby inducing a state of inebriated stupefaction. Many things happen in the inebriated state. If one is careful, on some nights you can spot the Guiri Discombobulus urinating furtively in corners, even on withered trees, thereby providing valuable nitrates to the top soil and continuing the cycle of life. What we have here, in Crazy Guiri, is a Guiri Discombobulus who has stripped all his clothing off. He is standing on the Ramblas, and other guiris and a smattering of Fauna Iberica look on. Eventually the elite Fauna Ibérica, Los Mossos, put a stop to this behavior.

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Guiri los cancajos

An older Guiri Classicus shows signs of stress and possible senile dementia. As he runs within an imaginary cage the Fauna Ibérica stealthily film him. Accompanying this video is the haunting Vangelis theme to Chariots of Fire.

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El jabonazo

A particularly vicious specimen of Fauna Ibérica in this one. El jabonazo, or the soaping, is a rare glimpse into the psychology of young Fauna Ibérica. From a perch, about three stories up, this young male throws a wad of wet, soapy tissue at what I presume are members of genus Guiri Estudiantus.

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guiri borracha

In guiri borracha, or drunken girl-guiri, we witness a typical mating ritual tactic. She finds herself surrounded by male natives who, taking advantage of her ignorance of the native tongue, have her say, more or less, “I want to eat your genitalia” – in their variant of Spanish, of course.